I am dragging my feet on the next phase of my quest. The next phase being a phone call with my mother’s oldest sibling: the legendary Auntie Rosie. She is best known for being the world’s most pessimistic nun. You’d think God squad professions would require loving all God’s children, being supportive and, if we’re getting crazy, some sort of connection to and/or devotion to God, Jesus and the whole gang. Untrue. During this call, she will inevitably tell me my idea to find out more about my mother is not only stupid but also impossible.
Let’s flesh out her pessimism. The scene. My high school graduation party. My mom filled our house with food, family and friends. Even my neighborhood best friend Caitlin, home from college, attended. Foolishly Caitlin started to tell Ro about her plans to become a doctor, help people and be an all around good person. Auntie Rosie in for the kill. “Are you sure you’re going to make it? I mean all of that studying and all those sleepless nights in the hospital and that’s IF you even make it into medical school at all.” Classic Ro.
Then every once in a while, she surprises you. Fact 1: Ro can be really nasty. Fact 2: She loves to send holiday care packages to her nieces and nephews. You don’t think you have a need for a small stuffed dinosaur that wears a funny hat and sings Jingle Bells until it lands on your doorstep. EVERY holiday she sends these impeccably timed treasures to her 7 nieces and nephews.
Naturally being a nun, she LOVES Halloween and a bargain. I hear Jesus also loved a good sale on holiday decorations the day after the actual holiday too. She NEVER misses Halloween. Sometimes she slips on St. Patrick’s day, but never Halloween. Even when my brother lived in London, he still received a box full of witch-shaped peanut butter cups, ghost decals for his windows and a gift certificate for a coffee shop or fast food restaurant. The gift card selection process is based on a highly technical formula that considers geographic location, salary, and thickness of your Boston accent. Receiving a McDonald’s gift card means one of two things: you are a child or you are trashy. It’s hard to insult someone with a gift card, but like I said she has a special gift for the sweet’n’sour. Luckily, I’m Starbucks: overpriced and all over the place. Turns out Caitlin is a Starbucks too. After that graduation party…. SURPRISE! Caitlin received her first of many Aunt Ro care packages on Halloween.
And now I must call and hope she surprises me…