After chastising my aunt for her negativity, it’s unfair to leave out my mother’s… and my mine. I presume it’s a hereditary disposition.
To combat said affliction, she did, and now I follow, an exploration for meaning and purpose while failing to see the problem: it’s not everything else, it’s us. Of course it starts innocently by reading the motivational quotes:
I am at peace. Even in the midst of chaos, conflict, and confusion, I find a place of inner peace. — Deepak Chopra twitter feed (TF)
In that split second I’m right with Deepak. I’m seconds away from clearing out my bank account and turning myself over to the Dahn Yoga people. Although I suspect it would be more of a George Castanza, Sunshine Cleaning deal. They’d hand me a bill for shampooing my carpet with the blatant subtext: Does not make good disciple.
I’ve read the Secret and A New Earth. I agree with them. But then I’m smack in the middle of a shit day (like today) and I want to say FUCK inner peace, I much prefer my bath of discontent, a secret brew of criticizing others and focusing on the negative. Nothing is ever going to change! Everything sucks! This is much more convenient than what I actually need to do, which is transcend. Deepak says it better, “Insight enables you to know your own heart. Clarity enables you to accept without illusion.” Ah, so my observations are not welcome? My bad.
But Deepak and I have good news, “Spiritual evolution is unstoppable and purposive no matter what the setbacks.” More him than me.
Today was a setback. Nothing important or earth shattering, but something that put in a tailspin landing on serious funk, surliness on the side. My mother and I share this. Depending on the happenstance of an interaction with either one of us you could walk away thinking, ‘That is the most positive person I’ve ever met. So enlightened.’ Alternatively you could think, ‘What a negative bitch.’
A grief counselor once told me that being surrounded by a certain behavior is contagious. She explained it by saying it’s a groove that forms in your brain over time and it takes time to climb your way out.
I think the lesson here is less about focusing on why my mother was negative or examples of it or dwelling on it. I have now acknowledged it. I one million percent forgive my mother all her negativity and send it from whence it came! There are so many wonderful things about my mom. She was affectionate, strong, beautiful, humble (I’m working on that one), funny, smart, creative, and she bestowed upon me these chubby cheeks and cacophonous laughter.
The reason I started this blog was because I don’t think she always had confidence in herself. As a result there were many people who missed out on the amazing things she could have done. It’s my mission to focus on all the positive that came from our relationship and her life, while finding out what I would have uncovered had she not been taken from us.
And in a mission to cure me of this negativity, I will take one of her many pearls of wisdom. She told me at the end of every day you should list five things that you are thankful for. Putting positivity out into the world will bring more of it back to you! Here goes…
1. Thank you, Mom. You taught me to respect myself and others. You instilled in me a passion for learning, exploration and fulfillment and I am very grateful to you.
2. Thank you, loving and amazing blog readers. Your support and encouragement means more than I can say. I appreciate it dearly and it gives me the strength to continue with even more chutzpah.
3. Thank you, Dad, Brother Bill and Brother Mike for your unconditional love and support.
4. Thank you, Hanley Wood. My job challenges me, pushes me and makes me want to try harder.
5. Thank you, Washington, DC and friendly Washingtonians. I am grateful to live in such an amazingly beautiful city.
What are you thankful for?
Discovery #2 Acknowledging why you are thankful helps to attract positivity into your life. Plus forgiving your lost loved ones their trespasses can be liberating.