Heart :: Breaking, An Experiment

It’s bad when this song defines your relationship.

As Florence sings, ‘you hit me once, I hit you back,’ I can’t help but relate. My boyfriend has a similar philosophy.

With appropriate thunderous roars outside, I take refuge on a soul mate’s couch griping about love, past and present. If only I could call on Mama Alice for advice.

Last January, days before the four year anniversary of my Mama’s passing on, I stumbled into New York City after a New Years Eve Eve Eve celebration with hometown locals. After a ferocious night of oneupmanship, Caitlin and I strolled our amber ale-soaked hearts into our mecca looking for recognition, big breaks, signs, and free drinks. A heady list for a 24-hour trip, but we’ve never balked at an impossible feat. Caitlin is a great ally. She is my ‘remember the time’ person. You say apple strudel and you’ll get a hardy laugh. The reason isn’t great. But she is one of my great partners in exploration. First NY mission: psychic.

There we stood in Midtown waiting for Esmeralda, a woman with piercing emerald eyes, freshly tan skin, slept-on black wavy hair, and a 110-year-old, pink bathrobe. With her yapping dog in the background, I went first. In the hallway outside of her first floor treasure chest, I listened to my full tarot card reading with the presumption of fortuitous results. First, she named my man friend right off the bat! Impressive. Excitement was short-lived. He really likes you, she said, letting me down easy. He does not really love you or take this relationship seriously, she continued. You need to decide if you just want to have fun, but I think you should stop this and look for the person you are really meant to be with, she prescribed. She went on to say that I would always have more than one boyfriend and that men like me. Ah! My boyfriend’s worse nightmare confirmed. Too bad he already left his tropical pilgrimage to declare his love for me.

After finishing up with Caitlin, she ominously warned me against the impending roll-a-coaster ride headed my way and said that I should come back to her because I was not well and I needed her guidance. This reminded me of my mom. Mama Alice was always the type to think she was covertly guiding me, when really she had her lips to a megaphone and picket signs coming out of her head. It would have been refreshing to come home from school to see a ‘Wear looser clothes’ banner maybe, or a ‘Processed foods = death’ banner. Fact or fiction, this woman may as well have been a medium saying, Your mother thinks you should…

Right now, I’m not really sure if my current beau/muse is right for me. I know she loved the last one, but told Caitlin he was only ‘good for right now.’ I think she’d like to chat with this one, but ultimately want to smack him in the face (a sentiment I can relate to). Eh, time will tell. Like the Talking Head’s sing, ‘Less we say about it the better. We’ll make it up as we go along…We got plenty of time.’

PS Without a doubt I’m a devoted Robert Palmer fan.


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Filed under Discoveries, Song Dedications

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