Renewing My Vows to Mamaquest

As my memory of my mother fades the picture I have of her has morphed into that of a sage oracle moving slowly on a throne with her Edgar Cayce books to the right and her tea and apple pie to the left. In my mind she’s a much prettier Yoda with lipstick. Much like with Yoda, I’m stuck here trying to extract meaning from the wisdom I absorbed throughout our relationship as mother and daughter.

Right after my mom passed away I felt a distinct, almost tangible, need to fill her role as family sage. As action advocate she would hear a problem and help you come up with a viable game plan. From 400 miles away I would call Papa Joe, Brother Mike and Brother Bill soliciting for sage seekers. I couldn’t help it. I was obsessed with well being of my other family members. I worried about their social lives, their health, and their happiness. Eventually I realized, wait for it, that I can’t actually live my life and the lives of others. After releasing these three grown adults from my surreptitious watchful eye, I floundered to come to a solution until starting mamaquest.

I hope mamaquest will give comfort to someone like me and maybe even inspire another to take on the daunting challenge of spewing what’s going on inside for the people on the outside. My quest, as I mentioned in previous posts, is to create a documentary about my journey to learn more about my mother’s life. Recently my quest shifted off road. I moved back to Massachusetts. I don’t have a proper camera for interviews. I’m deathly afraid of asking people to participate in interviews. To combat said fear I’m taking Mama Alice-esk action by sending out my first round of interview invites and ordering an iPhone tripod today. Wish me luck. Thank you for reading.

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Filed under Discoveries, giving thanks, gratitude, grief, loss, mother, parent, Trauma to Art (T2A)

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