My Mother is to Cheap, As I am to Blonde

Something terrible just happened. Not to be dramatic but I am a blonde, not by origin by aura. Sure there are bodacious brunettes in the world but it is not my scene. This evening I purchased Clairol Natural Instincts Medium Neutral Blonde to conceal those pesky roots. But some evil sorcerer somehow switched the color because my hair turned DARK brown. I will be asking Rite Aid for a full refund and writing Clairol a strongly worded letter.

Clairol Natural Instincts

Look how happy she is.

My History with Hair

Before you label me as hair dye ingénue, I started coloring my hair at 12 and coloring my mother’s hair before then. As early as 9, I plopped my mother in the chair, draped a towel around her shoulders and played stylist.

Making the Best of It

As a positive, it brought me back memories of doing my mother’s hair. The experience also reminded me of how my mother’s cheapness always led to the opposite. Every time she wanted a haircut she would look for an affordable salon because she was a self-aggrandized cheapskate. Inevitably the discount option failed to meet her high standards and she would go to a moderately priced salon. From there it was a 50-50 shot that she might need to find an upscale savior.  So, really, her cheapskate nature was a futile act in a hopeless mission to fight her inescapable destiny.

Mama Alice

Mama Alice rockin' the perm.


I tend to avoid the dark hair mainly because it does not match my persona but partly because dark hair makes me look just like my mother. My mother was beautiful. Ever since she passed away I notice our similar mannerisms and features so much more. At its most basic level I am thankful we look alike because it keeps me accountable. It challenges me to always act in a way that would make her proud, since I am representing her. This incident of unwittingly mimicking my mother’s look is a reminder that resemblance is as simple as that: a reminder. No matter what I do my mother’s presence is inescapable. I choose to see this as comforting while fighting the urge to run away from coping.

And regarding the color of my hair, I stand firm. The universe may be trying to tell me I’m a brunette just like the universe tried to tell my mother she really wasn’t all that cheap, but the universe should also know my mother and I share the zodiac sign of Taurus. It is well known that the bull is stubborn. Countdown: 42 days until I dye my hair back.

Hair color catastrophe

I’m looking at you Clairol. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say to my strongly-worded letter. The light in the picture makes my hair look auburn but I assure you it is dull and lifeless.

I will provide an update to let you know how Clairol responds to my letter.


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1 Comment

Filed under grief, loss, mother, parent

One response to “My Mother is to Cheap, As I am to Blonde

  1. They called and gave me $75 toward fixing my hair plus one free color! The message — always keep corporations on their feet. I did learn one thing, they only process one color per day to avoid such mishaps. I guess the universe had it out for me.

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