Live, Learn, and Practice It Every Day


Picture taken by Caitlin O'Shea somewhere in Oakland, Cali.

Recently, I have realized a similar theme in the books I’m reading: that it is our divine right to actively participate and petition the Universe for the things we want in life. It makes sense to me since we are all recipients of its glory and its tragedy.

But after you lose someone this tenet becomes a little less true. You cannot petition the Universe to bring someone back. You can certainly try, but the outcome isn’t a positive one.

Looking for Answers and Inspiration

While in New York a psychic named Grace confirmed my calling to help and teach people. She also said that I give good advice. That’s a load off for me and also for you. Putting my humility aside, I’d like to agree with Grace. However, I don’t always have the easiest time following my advice, which is why I constantly re-read the same spiritual guides to ensure I’m giving good advice.

My trip home the other day was a perfect example. While on the bus home from one of the best trips I have ever had to New York City, I found myself wanting to talk with my mom about some things. Relationships, work, marriage, children; in other words just some light girl chitchat. Even though I tell people to write lost loved ones letters, start conversations and have even written about doing that myself, I landed in a cluster of monumental self-doubt. I felt silly. I started thinking: Talking to people who are dead? What are you Cesar Millan, Lauren? Who are you to connect with something so grand? I turned into the cynical critic of myself that I fear the most.

Why do I feel this way? Why can’t I just talk to her? With further investigation after a failed attempt to be able to commune with her spirit, I found myself terrified that she would disagree with some of my choices. What if she is disappointed in me? Then I thought of something. Whenever I did come to my mother with a problem, a real problem, the type that needed solving, she held back judgment and started coming up with a plan to solve it. My doubts were simply unwarranted.

Holding onto Your Revelations

Truth be told I made this exact observation back in November. Naively I was under the misapprehension that once I formulated a revelation it belonged to me forever. Unfortunately, it is easy to forget these insights as life continues to move forward.

Holding onto these revelations, I’ve realized, is a lot like building character. Everyone knows that one day of good character in a sea of despicable behavior does not make anyone a saint. It’s a daily practice. I actually have a list of attributes I strive to embody every day: empathy, kindness of heart, humility, compassion, passion, optimism, loyalty, dedication, embrace the work as much as the victory. Now I realize I need to add confidence and conviction to that list to combat fear of judgment.

By becoming the judgmental people I fear, I was really just hurting myself. And ultimately keeping myself from engaging in a very personal, comforting practice of taking a moment to block out the rest of the world and say, ‘Hi Mom, I need to talk to you. Here’s what’s been going on.’

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1 Comment

Filed under grief, Lauren Muscarella, loss, mother

One response to “Live, Learn, and Practice It Every Day

  1. Pingback: Is 2012 Real ? Find out the truth!

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