Lately I’ve been desperate to find some spiritual enlightenment. I just want a sign telling me I’m heading in the right direction. Maybe the universe heard me because last night I went to a Karen Berg Reincarnation lecture that was more about how to life than how to be reborn.
I thought the talk would primarily focus on the concept of reincarnation itself but instead she focused on being generous, kind and understanding in times of good fortune as well as bad. I am oversimplifying but Karen (who co-founded the Kabbalah Centre) was telling her audience that life happens in the small moments — someone asking you for a dollar for the bus, someone asking for directions or a hot meal, someone asking for a smile.
I needed to hear her inspirational anecdotes because right now I am struggling with my work and direction. In the last year and a half I saved up enough money to give myself some time to cultivate and pursue my dreams of working for myself, cultivating my own projects, working with people who inspired me. And that’s just the beginning. I want to fund Trauma to Art, my organization to help and inspire people who coping with the death of loved ones. I want to turn the stories I’ve found of people who were inspired by grief into a documentary. I want to write a book… BOOKS!
I’ve made good progress and it has only been two months since I left my job but still the impatience overcomes me sometimes and I just feel defeated. Napoleon Hill (one of many philosophers providing me with fuel these days) claims you experience defeat right before the clouds part and the abundance reigns. God, I hope he is right. He taught his deaf son, who had no hearing equipment to hear, so I’m inclined to believe him.
Until the clouds part and ALL my dreams become reality, I will still be looking for a sign. K.Berg suggested a good exercise that may have provided me with an answer. She said to write out whatever your current challenge is. Then write out what in this lifetime brought you to this challenge. I wrote out my vocational conundrum and then mapped out how I came up with my idea. And BAM, a lightbulb went off.
Right after my mother died, before my blog percolated or my enlightenment sparked, I really wanted to illustrate the children’s book my mother wrote for a neighbor about fitting in. Maybe that project holds the key. I’m willing to find out. Today I drew my first sketches and I hope to have a draft by the end of the month.
Wish me luck as I wish it to you!